Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
