My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would ride that face into the sunset
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
