Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
