we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
