The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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