Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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