So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
