we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
