In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
