after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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