I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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