If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.