Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.