I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups