I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
