I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME