i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need to align my fucking chakras
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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