I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're like the curious george of whores
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion