We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
