Do you still have your period?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
