She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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