look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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