I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You made out with two different species that night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
