Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
