what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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