Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
