also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
