If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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