just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
