The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
