I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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