You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
