Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
