just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
