somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
