in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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