Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
