Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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