dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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