So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
