this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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