I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
