I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
