You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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