i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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