I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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