I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
