She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
