It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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