Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
