Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
