I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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