You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
