dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
