I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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