i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
