Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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