god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
