she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
