I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
