im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
