was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
