I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
