I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
