You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
