so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
