Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
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