Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
