just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
