I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
