but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize