we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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