so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
