i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
