Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
