Where did you get a picture of my penis
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
