do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
