Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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