Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
