none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
