I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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