Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I smell stomach acid.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Houston, we have a squirter
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
