I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Your dad touched me again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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