So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
