No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
