did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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