i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
